There Are No Gay People on “Star Trek” Because It Would Make The Show Only Five Minutes Long

…so this sexy Cleopatra-looking alien says “I am the Dolman, any man who has touched my tears must do my bidding for love.”  And sure enough Kirk, Bones, Scotty and various redshirts are kneeling at her feet.  So just then two phaser shots ring out and she drops to the floor, the redshirts load her onto a maglev, take her down the hall to an escape pod, dump her in, push the button and psssttt she goes off into space back to her home planet, staring out the window and screaming noiselessly.  And one redshirt turns to the other and says, “Maybe we should’ve told her we’re gay.”  Roll credits.


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